-
Winston Churchill
While searching for a job is becoming all consuming and pretty much stealing my life away from me I'm finding a sort of satisfaction in pounding the pavement, as it were. I'm enjoying the routine of waking up around 9 every morning, making coffee, doing morning Gongyo and sometimes ( even though I promised myself I wouldn't) smoking a morning cigarette and then going straight to the computer and applying to over a dozen places a day and now that my mother and her fiance' have most graciously sprung for a thirty day pass, traversing the city in the hopes of finding myself gainful employ.
I remember the days of having a full time job and surprisingly to most I remember them with much fondness and realized today that those were the happiest days of my life. There was absolutely nothing like taking a fifteen minute break in the middle of the day to smoke a cigarette that I really felt like I'd earned. And then when leaving the job, having that end of the day cigarette which just felt like success in a cylinder.
I'm dying to find something as gratifying as that in my daily life like the cigarette after three hours of writing good material. I realize I'm quantifying my life's happiness and meaning through a cancerous habit, but really there is just nothing like it in the world.
I find myself mesmerized by the longing to find a job as a receptionist at a hotel or a server at a bakery and I search and search and enjoy every minute of it.
Life is only as precious and fulfilled as we make it. And love is only as available as we allow it to be.
No comments:
Post a Comment